My excessive gaming may have started as an escape from other problems, but then they became a crutch, then an excuse, then the whole problem itself. I start playing because I don't know what else to do, and I often force myself to keep playing to reach the next bit of progress But I can't even recall which games I played.) (Spoiler alert: I was sitting at home with the curtains closed, playing games. I don't remember what my life was like, what events I experienced, what people I met. There are large parts of my life (months and years) I genuinely don't remember a single thing about.
A few are related to people I met through games, but never the games themselves. None of my happy memories are related to playing games. While I'm being honest with myself, I've realized a few things: I'm terrified of confronting the fact that all my "progress" is illusory and ultimately worthless. I don't have a lot I'm proud of in real life nearly all my feelings of progress and accomplishment come from games. The thought of leaving all the "progress" behind makes me feel guilty and stressed. It's a part of my identity and has been since childhood. So much of my time is devoted to games and gaming related media that I struggle to imagine what my life would be like without it I have to confront the sorrow and anger I feel over the time and opportunities I have wasted. I have to take responsibility for the fact that my gaming addiction is the main why I'm not where I want to be in life I have to face the fact that video games are not just an escape from my problems they *are* the problem. I feel so much shame and embarrassment that I've gotten to this point Gaming is an objectively negative influence in my life, so why does the thought of quitting terrify me? I tried to look inwards and be honest with myself for a bit, and these are some of the reasons: This is what almost every day has been like for the past ten years. I haven't emptied the trashcan or washed the dishes in over a week and I can't remember the last time I vacuumed.
#DONT QUIT GAME PC#
My PC is next to my bed, the monitor and keyboard are ON my bed. I'm now, my home is filthy, my body is unhealthy, I haven't seen my friends in weeks, and I have spent my entire Saturday playing video games. I started playing too much at around 12 years old and never, ever stopped. I can stop any time I want!īut I haven't stopped. Just one more drink, just one more pill, just one more level. "I'll just play this and that and try out new one and *then* I'll be ready to quit forever" "But I'll miss out on so many good games" "12 hours of gaming is *so much better* than 12 hours of netflix. "I'll start soon, I juuuust have to play through this new content patch" "I don't have to quit, I can just cut down a bit" I looked at the 90 day program and immediately my brain went into negotiation mode: I came across Gamequitters after Jim Sterling's video on the WHO definition of video game addiction. Three! All boring and worthless, but the compulsion of watching the numbers go up and the fear of losing "progress" has me trapped. I closed down three clicker games before I started writing this post. The idea of never playing video games again gives me anxiety and makes me feel like throwing up. I'm Blab and I'm not here because I want to quit gaming.